is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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