Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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