that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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