ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
