dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
