I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
