I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
