You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
