they need to just BURY HIM!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
