Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
