I need help removing her.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize