Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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