last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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