Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
