doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
