He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
