Im at strip club and am horny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
