She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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