sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
