I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
