finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize