There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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