Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
