I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
