Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
