My nipple is on Facebook.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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