Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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