I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize