how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
