Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
