just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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