found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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