Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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