All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
