oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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