mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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