my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
