You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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