i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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