FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
