She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
