she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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