Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
