all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
