frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
