well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
