So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
