Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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