just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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