My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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