i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
