yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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