Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
