my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
