Don't make out with my wife yet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
