In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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