someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
