I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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