Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
