PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
