Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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