More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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