So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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