i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
