shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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