I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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