just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mom said you looked used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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