He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
