He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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