i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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