Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
