this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am available for nakedness
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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