I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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