How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
