Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
