I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
