Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
