my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
