surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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